Thursday, April 30, 2009

Run for the Roses.

For those of you who don't know by now, I am from the Bluegrass state, and tomorrow I leave with a slew of friends, (some Kentuckians, some not) to the 135th Run for the Roses.
The most exciting time in Louisville, the Derby caps off the 2 week long Derby Festival, which is hot air balloons, chow wagons, Thunder over Louisville, Marathons, and a keg full of other redneck activities, which to me, signify spring.
Now, if you plan on attending the Derby you can do one of two things. Buy really expensive stand seats and stay prim and proper like a true southern belle, or you can buy a $40 ticket to the debauchery hell known as the infield.
"The Most Exciting Two Minutes in Sports" is anything but drab. And is ANYTHING but 2 minutes. If its one thing us Kentuckians know how to do besides putting down some bourbon, its extending 2 minutes into a month. The south tends to slow things down a bit, and the proof is in its main attraction.
This year, Churchill Downs is offering all of you fine millionaires $1000 mint juleps.
That's right kids...
"The mint julep is crafted using exotic ingredients from around the globe: sugar cane cut and crushed by hand from Sainte Marie in the Reunion Island of France; Turkish mint grown near the Euphrates River; ice made of water from an aquifer in the wilderness of Central Norway; and a small batch of the Master Distiller's personal selection of Woodford Reserve."
But that's not all, each drink is served in a 24-karat gold plated cup is handcrafted and adorned with a medallion featuring the Woodford Reserve Stables silks.
I plan on winning fistfulls of money so I can drink a $1000 bourbon.
The other thing you need at the Derby is proper attire. It's all about the hats. The bigger the better, and a true Kentuckian made that shit at home with some hot glue, some miniatures from Toys 'R' Us, and the floral aisle of Michael's.

A few years back I snuck into the most famous Derby party of all.
The Barnestable Brown Party.
(only $20-$40,000 for a table of 10)
I thought I looked like a million undetectable bucks, looking back, I totally looked like someone in a thrift store dress who did in fact stash her bike in the bushes and hike up the side of the hill.
But hell, I got a huge box of mini desserts from the Barnestable-Brown's. Walked out on the red carpet, people takin' my picture and waving all excited.
So who cares that I rolled up, wasted and covered in mud?

I will be back to finish my big move and update you on what my new place looks like and the craziness that is gonna be Derby 2009.