I really, really, really, really, really hope this is Slayers actual tour rider. There is too much awesomeness here to highlight just one thing, so read it all. Waaaait, nope. I take that back. Let me just point out one thing, their letterhead: "From the desk of Slayer".
Slayer has their own mother fuckin' stationary. Killin it Slayer, killin it!